Democrats were democratting while Republicans republicked.

Something big happened today.

Sitting in the line at Starbucks (having ordered one of those unholy red abominations at my own eternal peril), I turned to NPR for some entertainment.

I thought before I turned there, “Ten to one they’ll be talking politics.”

And gosh darn if they didn’t read my mind.

I’ve heard a million political conversations and broadcasts by this point in my life. But on this day, something different happened. I felt a great flame of fury welling up in my soul. The needle indicator on my “political tank” went well above red as I surpassed the average human quota for “too much politics.” All the buzz-words and hand-wringy speculation on the future of the two parties ran together in my mind into one volcanic lava flow of irritation. For a second, I thought I would either scream or launch through the top of my car.

It happened. My political cup ranneth over, and I stopped having any interest in or patience with politics.

I have broken something in my brain, possibly for good. Here is what every political discussion sounds like to me now:

The Democrats are democratting and the Republicans are republicanning! The Democrats democratted hard, but the Republicans fired back by republicanning some more. Polls show that people think stuff about certain things, and their thoughts about all the republicanning may mean changes for all the democratty strategies. Government needed to happen, but the democratting and republicanning were going in different directions and the governmenting got stuck. A hot-button issue was democratted, but the republicans think it should have been republicked. Some people spoke angry words saying one thing, and other people shouted back something that was the opposite. Talk show hosts pointed things out according to their chosen side. Donald Trump’s toupee continued to look stupid. The democratting and republicanning is getting busier as the next election approaches. People had opinions about important topics, and these opinions were different from each other—what does this mean for election season? People said things that were completely consistent with their stated political beliefs, and other people acted shocked that they said them. People acted like lunatics; other people didn’t act like lunatics. Everyone commented on the lunatics and the non-lunatics, and started shouting at each other about whether lunacy was okay. There was one issue that everyone seemed to agree on, but no one did anything about it. The real question, though, is whether democratting or repbulicanning will attain some goal, which is drawn into question because Benghazi.

If there is intelligent life in the universe, it is watching us through its futuristic telescope and shouting, “Get it together, humans!” No, I take that back. No one from another planet is watching us, because why would you ever watch such a repetitive, hostile, boring species so doggedly determined to keep arguing about the same things and purposely misunderstanding each other?

I’m sure my ability to parse political talk will come back if I stay off that limb long enough and let it heal. But in the meantime, don’t talk to me about politics, because you will sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher in my ears. And I may empty the contents of my red Satan Cup into your lap.

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